


collateral damage

by ullfloattoo



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, abusive relationship?, tyler is bad bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6489367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ullfloattoo/pseuds/ullfloattoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler pushes his car door closed, it isn't all the way but his chest is empty and his nose is runny. Tyler walks in, the door is open. It's always open. </p>
            </blockquote>





	collateral damage

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry

Tyler forced himself into his car, he placed his aching head on the steering wheel and blew out the breath he had been holding. His heart raced and his insides felt disgusting. His hands shook with anticipation as he started up the engine. 

 

 _I want to see you._ Tyler texted Josh and shut off his phone completely, throwing it into the back seat so he didn't have to read the enthusiastic reply. 

 

Josh lived a ways away, meaning that Tyler would have to think on the car ride, music wouldn't help as crazy as it sounded. Tyler needed to conjure up with a script, with punctuation and body language down to a tee.

 

He felt like a horrible boyfriend, he was a horrible boyfriend. Tyler thought things he wasn't supposed to think, did things he wasn't supposed to do. Tyler was a bad person, at least he told himself that. He felt  _dirty._

 

He didnt want to hurt him more. 

 

He always came back to Tyler, no matter how many times Tyler may ignore him one week and then go on and express his love for him the next. He could see the hurt in Josh's eyes no matter how many times he smiled. He had never noticed it at first, but when a friend pointed out that Josh always seemed to look tired, and beaten down when around Tyler he had turned his nose and laughed, 'Josh loves me,' he couldn't help but cast his eyes downward. 

 

It made Tyler cry at night at the fact that Josh would probably look at him like he was his life saver still drowning in the pool of lies. 

 

The headlights draw Tyler in, he could do it, take his hands off of the steering wheel and end it all. He could. But the soft pitter patter of the rain draws his empty eyes back to reality, he cant break him anymore. So, he grips the wheel tight and keeps is foot on the gas. 

 

It seems like forever, the ride is as slow as molasses, it draws on and on, Tyler knows he's been in the car for maybe 30 minutes but it seems like he's going nowhere. He needs to get to Josh before he self destructs. 

 

He pulls in the driveway, Josh's porch light is on. 

 

Tyler the zombie pushes his car door closed, it isn't all the way but his chest is empty and his nose is runny. Tyler walks in, the door is open. It's always open. 

 

"You should really start to lock your door," Tyler croaks stepping inside the warm house, his throat is sore yet he can't place why. "Somebody could run in, take all you have and leave you for dead," Tyler is secretly talking about himself here, but nobody has to know. The act he had planned in his car suddenly started to slip when he tried to catch it.

 

Josh is treading down the stairs. He stops on the third to last step and his face falls, ' _That's right, show me how I make you really feel.'_

 

"Tyler..." He starts.

 

Tyler runs a gray sweater sleeve over his red eyes. "Shut up," He pleads, his brain is thumping. He changes is mind. "Make it stop."

 

Josh eases him over to the couch with gentle hands that make him angry with himself. Josh should be mad, Josh should hate Tyler. Josh still holds him tight, runs his fingers through his hands and makes Tyler's wrecked uneven breaths so steady. He is sad. Tyler is very sad. 

 

"I came here to tell you that I can't do this anymore," Tyler whispers it like a secret, holds on to Josh's arms one last time.

 

Josh's slow rocks still and he starts to shatter. He laughs with glistening eyes, "What?"

 

"You can't love me." Tyler says a little louder and fights out of Josh's grip. 

 

"Yes, I actually can." Josh scoots back closer.

 

Tyler stands up. He bites his tongue, he cant tell Josh that he's lied to him, abused him, and manipulated him, Josh knows that. That wont send Josh away. Tyler needs to be rid of Josh's perfect self, he needs someone better. Tyler needs to be alone. Where he cant hurt anyone but himself. "I hate you," He seethes. 

 

Josh blinks and lets a tear roll down his cheek. "But- you said..."

 

"They were lies."

 

Josh's cheeks turn darker, there it is. Tyler wants to jump off a cliff, fall to his knees, scream, and run all at once. Josh looks so pretty when he cries. "That's okay," Josh smiles, "We..." His eyes scan over Tyler's face willingly with bright, shiny eyes, "We can make it work." 

 

Tyler stands there, he opens his mouth and searches for something rude to say, "I don't want you." Josh stands up and reaches for Tyler. Tyler pushes his hand away, "Get away from me," He says. Josh stops, looks deep in Tyler's eyes searching for something, anything. "I found someone to replace you."

 

That's what makes Josh crumble, Josh sits back on the couch, watches Tyler storm out of the house. Tyler jumps back into his car and hits the steering wheel with his head so many times it doesn't hurt as much as it did before. 

 

Josh stayed on the couch for a couple of days, and when he jiggled the door handle to go outside to look at the sun to see if he still saw Tyler, the door was locked. 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is @jshlrjsph


End file.
